Another Singles Awareness Day....

I have no idea how I am still awake. I guess it is because I know I have to wait for my phone to finish its software update.

I hate how non-single people refer to Valentine's Day as "Singles Awareness Day." HELLLLOOOO, don't you think I know that I am aware every day of the year that I am single??? Ugh.

I don't know why it bothers me so much. I guess I just hate having to look at the people around me and wonder what it is that I am doing wrong or whatever it may be that is keeping me from finding a companion? I constantly wonder how some of the people I know or even just see on a daily basis are with someone. I hate it when people say it is quality vs quantity. WHATEVER! You aren't single.

Now, don't get me wrong. There are times when I am truly grateful that I am independent. I see so many people I know going through divorces or they are just generally unhappy in their situations and realize that I am lucky that I don't have to put up with that. Then, the holidays come along and I reminded that I am alone.

I have so much respect for my sister, whether or not she knows it. She has truly learned to love herself and be happy. I need that. This year, I am working so hard to reach that spiritual level where I can accept me and love me for who I am.

I got really sad today when Mom came in and gave me two Reese's peanut butter hearts for a present. It just reminded me how lonely I really am. At the same time, the people that matter the most in my life showed me that they love me with a simple gesture.

Yesterday, I found out that two of my friends are intereseted in each other. Somehow, I was kind of afraid of that. Here is the deal. It isn't that I wanted to be in a relationship with him. We are really good friends and it just sucks that he was paying attention to me. I liked that. In reality, I could have never imagined anything happening between us. I like the way things are. I just feel that in a way, I got jipped again.

I don't understand why guys feel the way they do about me. I am good enough to be your best friend, but that's it. Why do you trust me? Why do you feel so comfortable around me? You make me want to shut down completely.

Now that I have vented and feel somewhat better about my least favorite holiday, I think I am going to finish watching House, drink some ice water, read my scriptures, and go to bed.

I can't stop sneezing. It is rather frustrating.

Seriously, where was our snow? Mother Nature always toys with our emotions...

I love reading Hannah's daily occurances. It is definitely entertaining. Sometimes I wonder why I don't have things like that happen to me. Then, I remember who some of my friends are...

This year is all about getting to truly know my Father in Heaven and Savior. As I was sitting in Primary on Sunday, Mom was presenting Sharing Time. It was about some of the last days of the Savior's life. I don't know what happened, but I just kinda starting crying because at that moment, I truly began to understand what the Atonement meant. I need to feel like that every day.

I am so happy that I have already completed some of my Visiting Teaching for the month! I actually did that last week. It has been nice having Friday and Saturday off the past few weeks. Yes, the rest of the week is kinda hectic, but knowing that I can relax and get Primary work done those two days has been such a blessing. Last Friday, I colored flip charts for the new song that we are working on for 4 hours! Yes, 4 hours!!! I need to go back and re-glue some of the posters. That is what I get for buying cheap glue sticks. Whatev.

I think I have bruises on my shoulders and back from Devon attempting to give me a massage at work. That kid is BRUTAL!

I am really grateful for having Tess as my friend. She has really taught me a lot about what fellowshipping needs to be about. With her being still so new to the Church, she brings me back to basics. It is amazing to have a friend right here with me that I can talk about the Gospel with and put things into an eternal perspective. I have always had that with some of my friends, but I needed to realize what was important.

Speaking of friends, some of mine have lost total touch of reality when it comes to some of the things they are getting themselves into. If you think that life is about the next big party and strictly having fun, well, you have a long, hard road in front of you. Don't guilt trip me, either because I don't want to hang out with you. I have other things going on in life and your plans don't fit into mine.

I miss Benji so much. I am glad that I heard from him a few weeks ago.

I think I am going to go do something productive right now. I have a dinner date with Antonija and Alice tonight. That should be interesting.