Another Singles Awareness Day....

I have no idea how I am still awake. I guess it is because I know I have to wait for my phone to finish its software update.

I hate how non-single people refer to Valentine's Day as "Singles Awareness Day." HELLLLOOOO, don't you think I know that I am aware every day of the year that I am single??? Ugh.

I don't know why it bothers me so much. I guess I just hate having to look at the people around me and wonder what it is that I am doing wrong or whatever it may be that is keeping me from finding a companion? I constantly wonder how some of the people I know or even just see on a daily basis are with someone. I hate it when people say it is quality vs quantity. WHATEVER! You aren't single.

Now, don't get me wrong. There are times when I am truly grateful that I am independent. I see so many people I know going through divorces or they are just generally unhappy in their situations and realize that I am lucky that I don't have to put up with that. Then, the holidays come along and I reminded that I am alone.

I have so much respect for my sister, whether or not she knows it. She has truly learned to love herself and be happy. I need that. This year, I am working so hard to reach that spiritual level where I can accept me and love me for who I am.

I got really sad today when Mom came in and gave me two Reese's peanut butter hearts for a present. It just reminded me how lonely I really am. At the same time, the people that matter the most in my life showed me that they love me with a simple gesture.

Yesterday, I found out that two of my friends are intereseted in each other. Somehow, I was kind of afraid of that. Here is the deal. It isn't that I wanted to be in a relationship with him. We are really good friends and it just sucks that he was paying attention to me. I liked that. In reality, I could have never imagined anything happening between us. I like the way things are. I just feel that in a way, I got jipped again.

I don't understand why guys feel the way they do about me. I am good enough to be your best friend, but that's it. Why do you trust me? Why do you feel so comfortable around me? You make me want to shut down completely.

Now that I have vented and feel somewhat better about my least favorite holiday, I think I am going to finish watching House, drink some ice water, read my scriptures, and go to bed.